


Bzzztt, Whirr

by swmbo



Category: iRobot products
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 20:49:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swmbo/pseuds/swmbo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Tragic Tale of Love, Madness, and Betrayal</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bzzztt, Whirr

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pear/gifts).



**BZZZTT, WHIRR **  
OR  
 **A Tragic Tale of Love, Madness, and Betrayal******

 

 **Bzzztt, Whirrr: Roomba 560 Online**  
Reporting for Duty.  
Primary Mission: Elimination of dirt/dust/hair/fur.  
Initial boot: Success

 **Day 1: 10:00 AM**

Mission Report:

Location: Living Room  
Spin. Spin. Whirr. Whirr.  
Mission Update: Carpet fringe trap. Unable to dislodge.  
Status: Mission 1 Aborted

 **Day 2: 10:00 AM ******

Mission Report

Location: Bedroom  
Spin. Spin.  
 **ALERT! ALERT! WARNING: SOCK AHEAD. SOCK AHEAD. DO NOT PROCEED.  
SPIN. SPIN. SPIN.**  
Status: Mission 2 Aborted

 **  
 **Day 3: 10:00 AM**  
**

Mission Report

Location: Living Room  
Spin. Spin. Whirr. Whirr.  
Mission Updated: Carpet fringe trap. Unable to dislodge.  
New Presence Detected.  
Flagged: Status Unknown. Running Database Analysis: Feline,  
Confirmed. Potentially hostile.  
Status: Mission 3 Aborted

 **Day 5: 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Living Room  
Spin. Spin. Bump. Spin  
New Presence Detected:  
Flagged: Status Unknown  
Running Database Analysis: Virtual Wall, Confirmed  
Flagged: Barrier, Classification: Friendly  
Status: Mission 5 Complete

 **Day 7: 10:00 AM**  
Location: N/A  
Scheduled Maintenance: Check  
Debris Removed: Check  
Status: Green

 **Day 13: 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Living Room  
Spin. Spin. Bump. Spin  
Virtual Wall: Barrier Intact.  
Feline Presence Classification: Upgraded to Non-Hostile.  
Status: Mission 13 Complete

 **Day 27: 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Living Room  
Spin. Spin. Bump. Spin  
Virtual Wall: Barrier Intact.  
 **WARNING WARNING INTERNAL BAY CAPACITY REACHED WARNING WARNING**  
Status: Mission 27 Aborted

 **Day 28: 10:00 AM**  
Location: N/A  
Scheduled Maintenance: Check  
Debris Removed: Check  
Brush Fibers Tended: Check  
Status: Green

 **Day 39: 10:00AM**

Mission Report

Location: Living Room  
Spin. Spin.  
Virtual Wall: Barrier Intact  
New Presence Detected.  
Flagged: Status Unknown.  
Running Database Analysis: No Match  
Location: External to Barrier. Database Analysis Suggests: Kitchen  
Status: Mission 39 Complete

 

 **Day 42: 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Bedroom  
Spin. Spin. Spin. Bump.  
 **WARNING. FELINE PRESENCE DETECTED. WARNING. CONTACT SPIN CONTACT SPIN**  
Extended Mission Analysis: Made non-lethal contact with Feline  
Presence. No damage. Feline Presence emitted auditory sound,  
observation suggests non-hostile. Spin protocol initiated,  
insufficient response. Query: Additional Protocols Y/N? Database  
Search Suggests N.  
Running System Analysis: All Systems Intact. Resume Mission.  
Classification: Feline Presence Neutral Status Confirmed.  
Status: Mission 42 Complete

 **Day 47: 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Living Room  
Bump. Spin. Spin. Bump. Spin.  
Virtual Wall: Barrier Intact  
Previously Detected Presence: Check. Location: Kitchen. Codename: Beta  
Database Search: No Match Confirmed  
Extended Mission Analysis: Unknown Presence Codenamed Beta. Database  
contained no match. Size/Shape Analysis: Commencing  
Status: Mission 47 Complete

 **Day 49: 10:00 AM**  
Location: N/A  
Scheduled Maintenance: Check  
Debris Removed: Check  
Status: Green

 **Day 52: 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Bedroom  
Spin. Spin. Spin.  
New Presence Detected  
Running Database Analysis: Underwear  
Flagged: Status Hostile  
Recommendation: Avoid  
Status: Mission 52 Complete

 **Day 53: 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Living Room  
Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump.  
Mission Parameters: Internal Override. Authorization, N/A  
Virtual Wall: Barrier Intact. Classification: Downgraded, Neutral  
Extended Mission Analysis: Virtual Wall preventing further  
exploration/mission completion. Potential dirt/dust/hair/fur: unable  
to be eliminated. Drift possible. Visual/auditory analysis of outside  
areas priority.  
Status: Mission 53 Complete

 **Day 55: 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Living Room  
Bump. Spin. Spin. Bump. Spin.  
Virtual Wall: Barrier Intact  
Beta: Status Still Unknown, Location: Kitchen  
Classification: Friendly, Tentative  
Extended Mission Analysis: 14.8 in diameter. 3.6 inches height.  
8.6 lbs. Movement: Circular patterns, positive. Running comparison  
analysis: Beta exceeds standard deviation from Roomba norms.  
Additional Observations Approved.  
Status: Mission 55 Complete

 **Day 56: 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Bedroom  
Spin. Spin. Spin.  
Extended Analysis: Room quiet. Circuits registering unknown internal  
fluctuations. Preliminary self-analysis, non-lethal.  
Status: Mission 56 Complete

 **Day 58: 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Living Room  
Virtual Wall: Barrier Intact. Classification: Downgraded, Hostile  
Extended Mission Analysis: Virtual Wall actively hampering mission  
duties. Visual/auditory analysis concludes Beta friendly, ally in war  
against grime. Virtual wall continues to create barrier, unable to  
confer/confirm/collaborate with Beta. Virtual Wall actively causing  
decreased chance of primary mission success. Query: Virtual Wall  
considered hostile Y/N? Preliminary Analysis Suggests: Y  
Status: Mission 58 Complete

 **Day 63: 10:00 AM**  
Location: N/A  
Scheduled Maintenance: Check  
Debris Removed: Check  
Internal Fluctuations: Not Disclosed  
Status: Green

 **Day 64 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Living Room  
Mission Parameters: Internal Override  
Revised Mission Parameters: Primary Mission: Observation of Virtual  
Wall Secondary Mission: Elimination of dirt/dust/hair/fur  
Virtual Wall: Barrier Intact  
Extended Mission Analysis: Query:  
Additional Notes: Observed Beta emit cleaning solution. Observed  
Feline Presence avoid Beta. Query: Beta Superior Modification Y/N?  
Preliminary Analysis concludes Y. Query: Rendezvous with Beta  
Possible Y/N? Preliminary Analysis incomplete.  
Status: Primary Mission 64 Aborted  
Secondary Mission Complete

 **Day 67 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Living Room  
Virtual Wall: Barrier Intact  
Revised Mission Parameters: Mission Override  
New Primary: Rendezvous with Beta  
Secondary Mission: Elimination of dirt/dust/hair/fur  
Extended Mission Analysis:  
Contact with NonImpenetrable Barrier Creating Spin. Spin Preventing  
Completion of Primary Mission.  
Primary Mission Insists Barrier Must Be Penetrated.  
Query: Spin Symptom of Internal Corruption? Y/N Preliminary  
Analysis concludes Y. Commencing Spin Override Analysis  
Primary Mission 67 Aborted  
Secondary Mission Complete

 **Day 68: 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Bedroom  
Spin. Spin. Spin.  
Extended Analysis: Unknown internal fluctuations increasing.  
Self-Analysis Protocol Initiated. No Malfunction Detected. Status: Green  
Status: Primary Mission 68 N/A  
Secondary Mission Complete

 **Day 69 10:00 AM**

Location Living Room  
Whirr. Whirr. Bump. Bump Bump Bump

Virtual Wall: Barrier Intact  
Extended Mission Analysis: Revised Mission Parameters. Unachievable. Beta Unreachable.  
Virtual Wall Intact, Dirt/dust/hair/fur potential beyond barrier.  
Beta Beyond Barrier. Beta Unreachable. Roomba 560 Unable to penetrate virtual barrier.  
Feline presence able to move freely. Does Not Compute. Virtual Wall Must Be Eliminated. Spin Override. Spin Override.  
Bump Bump Bump. Bump  


 **WARNING VIRTUAL WALL HOSTILE BUMP BUMP  
BARRIER IMPENENTRABLE BARRIER IMPENETRABLE CODE RED THREAT BETA  
BETA BETA BETA  
CODE RED THREAT  
BETA BETA BETA WARNING WARNING BETA BETA BETA BETA  
MISSION ABORTED  
MISSION ABORTED  
MISSION ABOR …**

***System Overload ***  
***System Failure ***  
***System Failure ***  
***Commencing Shutdown***

\-------------------

 **Bzzztt, Whirr: Roomba 780 Online**  
Reporting for Duty.  
Primary Mission: Elimination of dirt/dust/hair/fur.  
Initial boot: Success

 **Day 1: 10:00 AM**

Mission Report

Location: Living Room  
Spin. Spin. Bump. Spin  
New Presence Detected: Virtual Wall  
Flagged: Barrier, Classification: Friendly  
Status: Mission 1 Complete


End file.
